Languages of Appreciation

Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

Sherene McHenry

Based on Chapman's Love Languages, Sherene McHenry informed us of how we can apply this same principal in the workplace and with our volunteers. It is important to understand one's love language, so that we can understand how to make other's feel appreciated and supported.

We broke into groups and identified our love languages. Then we talked about what we liked and what we didn't like.

What's your love language? Take the quiz here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com

Here's what we said.

Please do:

Thank me for what I do
 Compliment and apologize sincerely
 Make it personal: recognize specific traits, efforts, skills & contributions in a timely manner
 Notice and acknowledge me and my ideas
 Show respect for my opinion and expertise
 Appreciate what I do and tell me
 Say things like: “I appreciate you, I believe in you, I respect and admire you, I love you”
Notice my work, haircut, something special I’ve done, made or worn
Provide encouragement in times of doubt/need
 Use acknowledging gestures such as high fives and thumbs up
 Give public recognition and praise
 Affirm ceremonially when appropriate
 Apologize when you’ve messed up
 Criticize with “TACT”

1. Affirmation

2. Quality Time

Please do:

Make yourself available
 Build the relationship
 Check in with me
 Remember what I tell you
 Allow mutual, two-way sharing
 Engage in meaningful conversation
 Listen to all sides
 Pay attention
 Be personable and open
 Be fully present (be engaged, good eye contact…)
 Listen actively with encouragers such as “uh huh”, “yes”, “ok”
 Respond now – not later
 Minimize non-urgent interruptions
 Allow adequate time – don’t rush
 Initiate quality time/ shared activities
 Hang out/ find time for me
 Keep plans
 Let me know if you’ve changed our plans

Please do:

Give certificates of recognition
 Give monthly recognition awards like designated parking
 Recognize my birthday
 Celebrate important dates with gifts or cards (Birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Anniversary and Mother’s or Father’s Day)
 Get me something I like/collect/can use
 Put thought into gifts,
 Something personal is always a great gift that says “you really know me!”
Bake, make a meal or a homemade gift
 Make gifts for special days look nice-- Wrapping is more important than price
 Notice if I gift you, it means I like, admire and appreciate you
 Acknowledge gifts with a thank you card
 “Pretend”, if you have to, to like what I give you
 Give something with organization’s logo

Please don't:

Give an impersonal gift
 Pay me for a gift I gave you
 Be late with gifts or cards
 Shop at the last minute
 Hand me a gift in a bag
 Apologize for not getting me a gift and still not follow through
 Give me an appliance as a gift
 Give me things just to gift me (I long for thoughtful gifts)
 Refuse/reject my gifts or help
 Re-gift my presents
 Give me candy if I’m on a diet
 Give me the wrong size

Please don't:

Tell me what I need to do (I already know)
 Micromanage, volunteer me or assume I will every time.
 Ask me more than once
 Do things halfway or fail to follow through
 Be lazy or procrastinate on commitments
 Drag things out and waste my time
 Criticize or complain about what I’ve done
 Act unappreciative
 Trash an area I just cleaned
 Watch me work without pitching in
 Ask for more after I have given all I have
 Indicate what I’ve done “isn’t enough”
 Give me meaningless busy work or jobs
 Assign the wrong people to jobs
 Act negativity or put out about helping me
 Complain about how busy you are

Please do:

Shake my hand
 Pat on the back
 Fist and elbow bumps
 High Five
 Shoulder touch
 Hug when appropriate
 Touch me to get my attention
 Ask before touching me
 Recognize that giving and receiving touch might be different for me
 Touch me in ways I’ve told you I like
 In personal relationships… Massages, hugs, head/back/arm scratches…
 Brush my hair
 Cuddle
 Tuck me in
 Hold my hand in public
 Touch me/hold me if I’m upset or anxious

Please don't:

Just give me a to do list
 Only talk about projects
 Patronize
 Interrupt
Be distracted/multi-task (talk while working, on the computer, TV, cell phone, chores…)
 Begrudgingly or condescendingly give me time or say things like “Okay – I’ll put the paper down so I can watch you…”
 Blow me off, cancel our time together or change plans without notice
 Invite others without first discussing with me
 Expect me to always make plans for us
 Take me for granted

Please don't:

Read into my touch (I’m not making a pass at you)
 Ignore me
 Refuse to touch me
 Touch me when I’m angry
 Touch me in ways I’ve said I don’t like
 Reject or recoil from my touch
 Engage in any form of physical abuse (shut me in, pin me down, hit me in anger, squeeze too tight or any touch that leaves marks...)
 Slap my butt
 Poke me
 Placate me with insincere pats on my back

5. Touch

Please do:

Help, volunteer, offer a hand
 Be ready to step up
 Just do it
 Allow me to help you
 Ask me to help
 Have a plan with clear goals and allow adequate time for jobs
 Give me tasks I’m well suited for
 Pitch in and help without being asked
 Open a door, help carry things…
 Do your fair share (Take some responsibility and leave with a task)
 Follow through on your commitments
 Do some of the jobs I don’t like
 Work as a team
 Tell me to take a break so I don’t burnout
Do tasks without being told or asked
Pay attention to the details
 Trust me to do it right
 Be appreciative
 Do the best possible job-- Exceed expectations
 Say thanks, but don’t gush
 Clean up after yourself
 Pick it up – don’t walk on it or around it
 If something needs done, please do it
 Keep your opinions to yourself if you can’t be constructive or diplomatic
 Help around the house-- do laundry, cook, run the kids, do the chores
 Make a homemade meal

4. Service

3. Gifts

Please do:

Thank me for what I do
 Compliment and apologize sincerely
 Make it personal: recognize specific traits, efforts, skills & contributions in a timely manner
 Notice and acknowledge me and my ideas
 Show respect for my opinion and expertise
 Appreciate what I do and tell me
 Say things like: “I appreciate you, I believe in you, I respect and admire you, I love you”
Notice my work, haircut, something special I’ve done, made or worn
Provide encouragement in times of doubt/need
 Use acknowledging gestures such as high fives and thumbs up
 Give public recognition and praise
 Affirm ceremonially when appropriate
 Apologize when you’ve messed up
 Criticize with “TACT”

Please do:

Thank me for what I do
 Compliment and apologize sincerely
 Make it personal: recognize specific traits, efforts, skills & contributions in a timely manner
 Notice and acknowledge me and my ideas
 Show respect for my opinion and expertise
 Appreciate what I do and tell me
 Say things like: “I appreciate you, I believe in you, I respect and admire you, I love you”
Notice my work, haircut, something special I’ve done, made or worn
Provide encouragement in times of doubt/need
 Use acknowledging gestures such as high fives and thumbs up
 Give public recognition and praise
 Affirm ceremonially when appropriate
 Apologize when you’ve messed up
 Criticize with “TACT”

Please don't:

 Ignore me or walk by without saying hi
 Criticize me without letting me know what I do well
 Yell or say mean spirited/ hurtful things
 Use a “tone” with me
 Be phony, condescending or insincere
 Talk over me
 Talk poorly about me to others/ be two faced
 Avoid eye contact
 Give constructive criticism without acknowledging something I do well
 Send “you” messages / be blaming
 Point or frown
 Over do it
 Give empty praise
 Neglect to affirm. (Lack of bad news doesn’t

Sherene McHenry

​

Based on Chapman's Love Languages, Sherene McHenry informed us of how we can apply this same principal in the workplace and with our volunteers. It is important to understand one's love language, so that we can understand how to make other's feel appreciated and supported.

​

We broke into groups and identified our love languages. Then we talked about what we liked and what we didn't like.

What's your love language? Take the quiz here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com

​

Here's what we said.

Please do:

1. Affirmation

2. Quality Time

Please do:

Please do:

Please don't:​​

Please don't:

Please do:

Please don't:​​

Please don't:

5. Touch

Please do:

4. Service

3. Gifts

Please do:

Please do:

Please don't:​​

Please don't:

Please don't:

Please don't: